We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. We’ve filled you in on things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt. We’ve given you journaling exercises around coping with regret.
- Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.
- Surrounded by hills and forest, Serenity Knolls is a private campus providing rustic cabins, 12-Step treatment approach, and a family program.
- Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible.
- Instead, try to reference specific times when you hurt the other person and/or let them down.
How Living Amends Positively Impacts Recovery Outcomes
Suddenly your spinning around things you feel guilty for. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible.
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Before you start working step nine, you must have already completed step eight. Step eight says “Made a list of all the people we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” You cannot work the 9th step effectively without doing step eight first. To work the 12 steps effectively, specifically step nine, you should have a sponsor or someone that has already worked the steps to help you and more importantly be there to support you. Do not try to attempt to work step nine without a sponsor, therapist, or spiritual advisor. Your sponsor can help walk you through this by asking you about your goals in making amends, how you plan to do it, and when. This person should have already worked on step nine, so they understand what it takes and can help guide you through it.
Take Responsibility
Amends often include apologies, but they go beyond words. Making an amend means taking accountability and action to repair any damages done. Through these restorative actions, you demonstrate your commitment to change. Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful.
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- Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would.
- We’re telling the world, «Addiction made me behave a certain way. I don’t like it, and it doesn’t reflect the person I want to be in recovery.»
- New Life House has helped young men stay sober for over 35 years.
- However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive. When held in the bonds of an addiction, it’s not uncommon for many relationships to feel strain, or to fall apart together.
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